First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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