It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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