I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
