I think I died a long time ago.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
