They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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