We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize