If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
