literally had 100 drinks last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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