WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
