so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
