Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
