and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
