I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize