naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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