You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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