Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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