She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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