My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
