I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
