i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize