i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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