She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
