I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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