I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Randomize
