Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
