I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
