She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
