Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
