tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
