I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
