Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize