You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
