I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
