people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
