im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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