I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
