My sheets look like a crime scene.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
