apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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