I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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