Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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