But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
