I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize