I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sex in a hospital.. check
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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