so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
