come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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