yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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