just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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