please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
