dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize