wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize