also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
