The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
