Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
