You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize