Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
