fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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