Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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