You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
