Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
