everyone is single if you try hard enough
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
