Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
