I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
