i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
