And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
