I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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