I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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