So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize