He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
