allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
