Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
