Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
