i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize