Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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