where does the pee come out of this thing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
