We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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