The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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