oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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