i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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