I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize