WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
