Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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