okay pat passed out under dana's car
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to calm my uterus...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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