You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
