Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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