This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
