yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
