hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
