I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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