She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
