I accidentally burped into my bong.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
