Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dignity is for republicans.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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