im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
