Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
