Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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