Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize