so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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