I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
