Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize