So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
