I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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