Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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