Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
