He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
last night I used snow as a chaser
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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