I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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