We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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