Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
